Some days I think I am not mentally, physically, or emotionally able to handle one more meltdown. I hate to admit it, but sometimes in those moments, I yell and I pray he just takes a nap before I completely lose my mind. It usually takes about .4 seconds before the mom guilt completely takes over and I break down. God, why did I lose my temper? He's just tired or wants to be held or needs every bit of attention I am capable of giving. I have to take a step back and remind myself that there are millions of couples out there that would give anything to wrestle a toddler through a diaper change or a terrible meltdown. That's when I take a deep breath, scoop him up, and remember that we were once one of those couples. One of the couples that were praying to see two pink lines, and doing everything possible to get to be parents and no amount of money was going to stop us. We were the couple who month after month felt defeated after another negative test and we couldn't understand why God couldn't grant our one request. We tried so hard to get Hudson here and I have to remind myself to never take that for granted. It also makes me feel like I'm never allowed to have a bad day. God doesn't expect me to do everything perfectly, he expects me to do my best.
So on the days when I think I just can't do it, I have to remind myself to be thankful through the tantrums, meltdowns, countless Mickey episodes, and sleepless nights. God gave me this child because He knew this was the child I needed and I would raise him exactly like He wanted me too.
That's all I have for today.
