When Priorities shift..

If you know me at all, you know that I take great pride in being a coach’s wife. I love Friday nights, fight songs, touchdowns, all of it. This is my 12th football season and all I’ve ever known in my adult life. 

I have mostly embraced every moment. The late nights, team meals, endless phone calls...

Each season I set out to attend as many games as possible. I always miss at least one, but never one at home. Every year I feel like the season comes with new challenges since having kids. We’ve managed all of them so far, still showing up every home game and most away to cheer on our bearded coach and Noble BEARS. 

I have always put more pressure on myself to be at all things than my husband ever has. He has told me to stay home and relax more than once but I can’t because I am flooded with this overwhelming guilt. 

This year though, this year is different. You see, my 6 year old plays soccer and my 4 year old is playing soccer and t-ball (who’s idea was that 🤦🏼‍♀️). We literally have either games or practice M-Th and games on Saturday and some Sundays. We are typically exhausted. So for the first time ever last Friday night, I stayed home with my kids while my husband coached less than 1/2 mile down the road. The guilt started out big. I still sent him with the post game food so that I wouldn’t feel like I completely failed. My kids were so sad when I told them we weren’t going, Saturday was going to be a big day of games and I didn’t need cranky babies. So we stayed home. 

I almost named this blog “I was an awesome coach’s wife, then my kids started sports.” However, after lots of thinking and praying, I decided that wasn’t the best title. 

My kids fell asleep around 8:30...on a “home” night, watching tv by themselves. That means they were exhausted. They always fall asleep with me but we’re so tired they didn’t need to. It was in that moment I knew I made the right choice. 

It was also in that moment that I knew that I am STILL an awesome coach’s wife. I am able to hold down the fort and do exactly what my children need while my husband is where he needs to be. A fellow coach’s wife said “while my husband is off pouring into other people’s kids, it is my job to make sure our kids are still being poured into.” And I loved that perspective. While I definitely do not intend to make a habit out of missing home games, I will give myself grace knowing that I am doing what my children need. It also won’t be so hard for me to miss the away games. My kids need nights off and evenings to veg in front of the TV in their undies. 

We love our life as a coaching family and wouldn’t change it for anything. I truly believe it is a calling and a mission field. 

I must say though, my setup Friday night wasn’t so bad.  It was a rough game and for the first time ever, I could have my 4th quarter wine if I wanted it!

 

Giving Grace

Today is day 33 of social distancing for us. I hit my peak of anxiety and fear about 2 weeks ago and have finally started to semi level out.

My children though...they are just now getting there. You see, for the last 33 days they have, for the most part, only physically seen the same 10 people. They have only been around 2 kids their age (their cousins). We are goers and doers and with people ALL the time. I think at first they thought it was fun to get to stay home with my nieces instead of go to daycare and just get to have home days. I am still working full time and so is my husband, so our schedules haven't changed much. Ours kids, on the other hand...their schedules have completely flipped. They want to know when the next daycare day is. They want to go to the store and pick out a toy (and by golly I think they deserve one!)

They are both starting to show signs of stress. It is like they are just now realizing that something bigger is wrong, and it makes my momma heart hurt SO bad.

Their energy and exhaustion has mixed and the second I walk through the door each day it is like they feel like they can finally let out all of their big emotions and just melt. That is exhausting even not during a pandemic, so now it is over the top. I am having to remind myself to give extra grace. Instead of immediately going to yelling or discipline, taking a step back and giving extra cuddles. It is good for both them and myself. I am trying, I don't get it right every single time but I have been up since 3:30 this morning dealing with the "aftermath" of what I can only assume is extra stress on my babies. So it is now a priority more than it was before.

Squeeze your babies tighter, hug them longer, and instead of timeout- maybe make them a bowl of ice cream and talk it out. They don't know how to express the big emotions they are feeling. I'm 30 and still struggle doing that so I cannot imagine how hard it is for them. That 50th meltdown of the evening might just be a signal that something bigger is going on in their minds and they don't know how to tell you.

I know when I am stressed, my favorite snack and a hug goes a long way. Put your phone down, turn off the TV, and intentionally spend time with them. Go for a walk. Sit on the porch. Do something to let them know that everything is ok and you are there for them. This is hard on all of us. Try not to negate their feelings just because they are little.

Until next time...