The football season has ended and we are on to our next journey. I feel like it flew by this year. Sometimes I feel like I just need a space to write all my thoughts and just share what is on my heart. Honestly, I am pretty sure maybe 2 people read these (my mom and my husband) haha. 

As the rest of the world, we always have something going on. Busy has turned into a symbol of success. I hate being busy. My favorite days are when I can come home after work and not have to leave my house again. There are many times that we are constantly on the go and even Hudson will start to mention that he doesn't want to go anywhere. That is when we realize we really need to take a step back and spend more time at home. 

Tyler and I have really evaluated life and our goals the last few months. Where do we want to be in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, and beyond. Debt free is the first goal we are trying to reach and we have started taking serious steps to get there. No credit cards, no eating out, more self control in general. We definitely don't always do exactly as we should but we are getting better. We would also love for me to get to be a stay at home mom, we realize this can't happen until we get out of debt. My life long dream has been for me to stay home. It would be so nice to never have to worry about who stays home with a sick kid and making sure I can take off for the field trip or class party. We have decided we may have to give up what we want now for what we want later. 

As many of you know, I have ventured in many different MLM businesses. Rodan + Fields was my first and I will probably always be a consultant with them. I dabbled in MONAT for awhile, and even the Somaderm HGH Gel. All of these are great products that I believe work and still continue to use but I have never felt like any of them were going to be life changing for me. I always jumped on board without trying the products and because it seemed like I could make a lot of money with minimal effort. A few months ago, my friend introduced me to Color Street. I fel in love with products and have been using them since. I never considered signing up to sell it until she messaged me and asked. It was something I put off because I didn't want to be "that girl" who literally just signed up for everything--I mean look at my track record...after a lot of prayer and consideration, I decided to take a leap of faith and do it. Who cares what the haters say? So now I am a stylist with Color Street and I can honestly say I have never been more excited. I don't think it is going to solve all of our problems or get me rich overnight, but I do think it will help me achieve my goals for my family. This product is super affordable and something that everyone loves. If you want a sample just go to https://tinyurl.com/solomonsamples and I will send one out to you. 

The last few months I have been off my game and I felt like I needed something just for me that I could enjoy and I truly believe Color Street will be that for me. Hudson still loves school and Emma is sassy as ever. They literally make me so proud each and every day. I am so blessed to be their momma.

•Mom G U I L T•

Have you ever had one of those evenings where all you can do is pray that God gives you another chance to do better tomorrow?  That was my night tonight, and I hate admitting that. There were lots of tears, some yelling, and frustration. Monday.....

Monday’s always seem to be long and they have been longer since we are still adjusting to the whole school routine. Hudson has always been a fairly emotional kid. Poor guy seriously got all of my worst qualities....sensitive, emotional, anxiety...I truly feel bad for him. All of those are heightened by exhaustion. I hear that he does good all day, every day but it’s like the second we walk through the front door, it’s tears and fits and he just can’t seem to hold himself together. It all started because he and Emma wanted the same blanket, then she told him no, then they fought over the play doh, and she took his color so I made them put it up. Each of these events caused a MAJOR meltdown for my children. Emma spent a fair amount of time in timeout for hitting and pushing and yelling. Hudson spent a fair amount of time dramatically crying because of said hits, pushes, and yells. 

All of that led to a frustrated momma. So I yelled. And guess what...that didn’t calm anyone down. I was not in it to win tonight with them. Work was long and with so many changes happening there lately, I feel like I’m always a little on edge. That is no excuse though. There is no reason for my children to get the worst of me at the end of the day. 

My kids know how to push my buttons and I often wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Am I being too easy on them, at I being too tough, should I give into this, or hold my ground on that? Am I the reason Hudson has his meltdowns or does he just hold it in all day and then finally melt when he is somewhere comfortable and safe. Am I teaching Emma the best way when I send her to timeout? How long do I make her sit and cry for? Oh the crying from both of them breaks my heart but I know they have to have rules and boundaries and to be taught what is and is not acceptable but it would be so much easier just to give them what they want. I know that would not be rasing a productive future member of society though. These are the constant things that go through my mind. I might also add that I some anxiety issues, so the spiral of “what if” literally never stops. It’s exhausting.  

So we have a rough evening. When we decided to calm down and sit, Hudson was asleep by 7:15pm. If you know us at all, you know why this is a big deal. Hudson has never went to bed before 10pm. I am happy he is getting more sleep but so sad that means I only get about 2 hours in the evening with him and those two hours were not great ones tonight. So I held him, for probably 30-45 minutes and cried because I felt guilty that I didn’t enjoy every second of this evening and then he was asleep. Will he remember my tension and anger tomorrow? Most likely not, he told me tonight that I’m still his favorite. 

Emma didn’t go to sleep as early but I rocked her when she did, I also held her a little longer in hopes that would make it all better.

Tomorrow will be better. It has to be. I will make sure it is. I have the power to choose if it’s a good day or bad day. Tomorrow will be a good day. Keep your head up moms and dads...this parenting gig is one heck of a roller coaster!

S E A S O N # E L E V E N

It seems as if every football season I decide I am going to amp up my blogging. Tonight kicks off the season with the annual midnight practice. It is the day where I kiss Tyler and tell him I will see him in November. While clearly that is a little dramatic, we definitely miss him around the house once the season kicks off. We all have to adjust to him being gone after having him home so much in the summer.

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I think some people do not understand what coaches sacrifice in order to do their jobs. Tyler misses out on so many fun and important things due to coaching. It is absolutely a passion of his and I would never want him to give it up, so we have learned to adapt to him being gone during the season. One of my favorite things is watching him on Friday nights in his element. He pours so much into each of the players and truly wants to see each and every one of them succeed.

The other big thing around here is that my oldest is starting PRE-K this year. I literally cannot believe it. It doesn't seem possible for him to already be 4 and ready to start this adventure. He is sweetest soul I have ever met and I am so excited to see what all he learns this year. He is definitely a lover and I pray each and every night that he will be the kid to be friends with all the kids and to stand up for what is right.
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Emma is my spitfire and we are about to embark on the journey of potty training. She is strong willed and the perfect mix of sassy and sweet. It is hard for me to accept that she is 2 and I officially no longer have a baby in the house. Soon we will be done with diapers. I guess that just means it's almost time for another ;)

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Nothing new here with me. I am just taking it one day at a time and trying to hold down the fort the best I can. I know, without a doubt, that God put me on this earth to be a wife to Tyler and a mom to Hudson and Emma. There is a chance that we will grow our family in the future, but for now we are just going to love on these sweet babies and do our best to point them in the right direction.

Signing off for now. Maybe-just maybe, I will do better at posting more consistently...but I make no promises.