Over It.

The struggle is starting to be SO real. I am in this weird place where I am SO thankful to still have a job when so many don’t, but I am terrified to go. If you know me at all or have followed any of my blogs, you know I struggle with anxiety. A few weeks ago, I was very much in the mind set of “do not fear.” “Trust God, he’s got this.” And while none of that has changed, my level of fear and anxiety has. 
If I had it my way, I would lock my house for 3 weeks. No one in, no one out. That just isn’t feasible though. I have to work and need to work as long as I’m able. Staying home with no outside interaction would very much be detrimental to my mental health. It’s easy for me to spiral down into a dark scary place. In situations like this, I am very much a “glass half empty” and “worst case scenario” type person. My mind wanders and suddenly the world is ending. Most people would be surprised by that because unless you’re pretty close to me, I feel like I put on a pretty strong game face...but maybe I don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️
This weekend has proved to especially hard on me. I don’t know why, it’s just been hard. I am pretty sure that the message Pastor Craig delivered this morning was written for me. If you haven’t seen it, go to their Facebook page and watch. It spoke directly to me and I’m sure so many others. 
I woke up at 5:30 this morning feeling very overwhelmed. Both of my babies were in bed with us by this time and I just cried and asked God to calm my heart. Then I cried through the entire sermon this morning. I know God has this under control but it’s hard for me to understand that when I can’t see how it’s going to play out. 
One of the songs for worship this morning was “You Are” by the Life.Church band. I actually quoted some of the lyrics at the bottom because it is such a reminder that He is good, no matter what. 
A few things I’m thankful for...when I was overwhelmed this morning,  I sent a text to a few friends (including 2 of my bosses) asking for prayers to help calm my heart and mind. As the day went on, I could feel myself slowly relaxing some and I am so grateful for that. 

“Oh, even in the unknown Oh, I know that You are good Oh, even in the waiting You are good, You are good Jesus, You are I will lift my hands while I'm waiting Louder than my fears I will sing May my heart ever be reminded You are good, You are good, You are good” You Are by Life.Church music